The Ephesian
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I decided to share some of the stuff I get in my e-mail. Feel free to send me stuff to post. Maybe this will become a site of its own in a little while...

Stoner vs. Genius

There's a stoner and a super genius sitting on a bench waiting on a bus. The genius gets bored, leans over to the stoner and says, "Hey, I'll tell you what, I'll ask you a question and if you don't know the answer you have to give me five bucks. If you ask me a question and I don't know the answer I have to give you 50 bucks." The stoner says, "Alright, man." The genius asks the stoner, "What is the Pythagorian Theory?" The stoner replies, "I don't know." and hands the genius five bucks. "Okay," the stoner says, "What has three legs going up a hill and four legs going down?" The genius thinks real hard and finally gives up. He hands the stoner 50 bucks then asks, "So, what is the answer?" The stoner says, "I don't know." and hands the genius five bucks.


Excerpted from an article which appeared in the Dublin Times about a bank robbery on March 2, 1999: Once inside the bank shortly after midnight, their efforts at disabling the internal security system got underway immediately. The robbers, who expected to find one or two large safes filled with cash and valuables, were surprised to see hundreds of smaller safes scattered throughout the bank. The robbers cracked the first safe's combination, and inside they found only a bowl of vanilla pudding. As recorded on the bank's audiotape system, one robber said, "At least we'll have a bit to eat." The robbers opened up a second safe, and it also contained nothing but vanilla pudding. The process continued until all the safes were opened. They found not one pound sterling, a diamond, or an ounce of gold. Instead, all the safes contained covered bowls of pudding. Disappointed, the robbers made a quiet exit, each leaving with nothingmore than a queasy, uncomfortably full stomach. The newspaper headline read: IRELAND'S LARGEST SPERM BANK ROBBED EARLY THIS MORNING

A Letter to Tech Support: "Help with Husband 1.0"

Dear Tech Support, Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed that the new program began making unexpected changes to the accounting modules, limiting access to flower and jewelry applications that had operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0. In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.9 but installed undesirable programs such as NFL 5.0 and NBA 3.0. Conversation 8.0 no longer runs and HouseCleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system. I've tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail. Signed Desperate Wife

Response from Tech Support: re:Husband 1.0

Desperate Wife, Keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an entertainment package, while Husband 1.0 is an operation system. Try to enter the command: C:/I THOUGHT YOU LOVED ME and install Tears 6.2. Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the application: Guilty 3.0 and Flowers 7.0. But remember overuse can cause Husband 1.0 to default to GrumpySilence 2.5, Happyhour 7.0 or Beer 6.1. Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will create "Snoring Loudly" wave files. DO NOT install MotherInLaw 1.0 or reinstall another Boyfriend program. These are not supported applications and will crash Husband 1.0. In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. Consider buying additional software to improve performance. I personally recommend Hotfood 3.0, Lingerie 5.3 and Keep-a-nice-body 10.1. Good Luck, Tech Support

World News: Spain

Don't know if it is true, but it is funny! The following is a short and rather amusing true story, as seen recently by millions of viewers on a Spanish TV channel. The parents of a teenage girl decided to put their daughter's name forward for a popular Surprise Game Show. She idolized teeny-bopper pop star "Ricky Martin", and it was arranged for TV cameras to be discreetly placed throughout the house. The house was then left empty with Ricky Martin hidden in the wardrobe in the girl's bedroom - all set to give the daughter a wonderful surprise when she returned home from school. Meanwhile, the parents were in the show's studio, in front of a live studio audience. Upon returning home from school, the daughter didn't go straight to her room and open the wardrobe as expected. Instead she began to investigate the house, calling out the names of her family to establish who was at home. Having established that she was on her own, the daughter made her way down to the kitchen where she opened the fridge and removed a large tin of pâté - - at this stage the live TV audience is wondering what the hell is going on. She then went back upstairs to her bedroom where she proceeded to quickly remove all her clothes and spread the pâté all over her naughty bits (at this stage Ricky Martin is still hidden inside the wardrobe, and half of Spain is seeing a nubile young girl, stark naked on the bed with pâté all over her crotch). As if the parents were not shocked enough by this, the daughter then calls the family dog, who obediently trots up the stairs to settle down to his favorite meal. The broadcast is abruptly cut. A set of acutely embarrassed parents are left in front of a deadly quiet studio audience, while a few million Spaniards sit in front of their TVs pissing themselves with laughter. Consequently, sales of tinned pâté have rocketed.